Let’s talk about sex—and how sexually explicit internet materials (SEIM) may affect whether heterosexual men feel pleased with what goes on in their bedroom. After all, research published as early as the late 1980s has explored the notion that pornography has undesirable effects on sexual satisfaction.

But more recent evidence provides answers as to why. Research shows that men who consume SEIM may experience a gap between the sex they’d like to have and the sex they actually have, which contributes to lower levels of sexual satisfaction. One aspect that also plays a role is their female partner’s interaction with the pornography.

 

What is IASD?

To get a thorough understanding of how SEIM consumption could lead to lower sexual satisfaction among men, researchers stepped away from the traditionally used frequency or quantity measurements to pursue an alternative method: self-discrepancy theory—in particular, ideal-actual sexual discrepancy (IASD).

Their 2022 study, published by SAGE Open, provided preliminary support for the idea that the inconsistencies that arise between one’s ideal sex and the sex they actually experience is important in explaining the relationship between SEIM and sexual satisfaction.

Kuan HT, Senn CY, Garcia DM. The role of discrepancies between online pornography created ideals and actual sexual relationships in heterosexual men’s sexual satisfaction and well-being. SAGE Open. 2022;12(1):215824402210799.

 

Evidence from a survey of mostly college students, published by the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, showed that male SEIM consumers tend to want—and ask for— more pornography-inspired sex from their female counterparts.

Ezzell MB, Johnson JA, Bridges AJ, et al. I (dis)like it like that: gender, pornography, and liking sex. J Sex Marital Therapy. 2020;46(5):460–473.

But the pornographic acts that men enjoy aren’t always sexually compatible with their partners’ desires.

 

Given that SEIM tends to center on male pleasure and dominance, as well as to desensitize men to their partner’s sexual likes and dislikes, this outcome is not difficult to understand.

For example, men who consume SEIM are more likely to want to engage in anal sex with their female partners, who often aren’t interested because they find it painful and unpleasant.

Thus, the gap between what men want as a result of watching SEIM and the sex they engage in—IASD–is an important factor in determining how pornography informs men’s sexual satisfaction.

 

How SEIM and IASD impact heterosexual men

Now that IASD is an established tool used to gauge gaps in sexual fulfillment, how does it play into heterosexual men’s experiences?

The answer is simple: As IASD increases, sexual satisfaction decreases. This was true across the board for all men who participated in the SAGE Open study.

 However, specific patterns emerged for different age groups.

For example, men in their 20s are still looking to SEIM to help them build their ideas of sexual scripts. That is to say, even if they experience lower sexual satisfaction after consuming SEIM, their sexual tendencies are more likely to evolve over time. In this group of study participants, SEIM consumption wasn’t directly related to IASD levels, but IASD still negatively affects their general well-being and sexual satisfaction.

Finally, men in their 40s and older experience positive effects of SEIM consumption on their self-esteem and life satisfaction. There was no relationship between SEIM consumption and IASD or sexual satisfaction in this group. It is possible that this is due to the fact that men in mid-life use SEIM differently than younger men.

Thus, the idea that SEIM consumption is directly related to IASD may only be true for men in their 30s. Men of all ages who experience IASD, however, are likely to have lower sexual satisfaction—regardless of the nature of their SEIM consumption.

Regarding clinical approaches, doctors who treat heterosexual patients and couples may want to keep in mind the gendered aspects of SEIM and its effects on sexual relationships, as noted in a study published by the Journal of Sex Research.

Maas MK, Vasilenko SA, Willoughby BJ. A dyadic approach to pornography use and relationship satisfaction among heterosexual couples: the role of pornography acceptance and anxious attachment.  J Sex Res. 2018;55(6):772–782.

 

This study’s authors advise physicians to pay special attention to how female patients interact with pornography. They wrote that practitioners “should also approach pornography use within heterosexual couples as a gendered issue, requiring more care and attention toward the complexity for the female partner’s pornography use or feelings toward the male partner’s pornography use.”